Never forget that you will not be able to flick a switch and suddenly become a zombie survivalist when the zombies arrive – we are talking about a mentality here – you must live and breathe zombie survival. This may involve some real changes in your lifestyle and certainly your wardrobe. The Ministry of Zombies advises a three-step approach to get this right:
- Becoming a Hard Guy or Gal
- the Zombie Survivalist Look – Pre-apocalypse
- the Zombie Survivalist Look – Once the Outbreak begins!
Surviving the zombies is not just about fighting the dead, it’s about being able to look after yourself, so developing a new ‘kick ass’ personality now is a great way to start. Here are six ways you can get that ‘hard’ look:
- Do scary things like abseiling and show no fear about anything. Never admit to being afraid of heights or spiders. You need to become known as a fearless type, with a little of the loose cannon about you.
- Use a ‘hard man’ walk whether you are male or female – that confident swagger will ensure that all will take notice.
- Use silence skilfully. Don’t talk too much and never ask for help. When you do talk, use short and slightly mysterious sentences, hinting that you have seen a lot but don’t want to talk about it.
- Use every opportunity to reinforce the general perception that you are tough – for example, never complain of a headache or toothache. Throw in the occasional phrase like – ‘I think I broke a rib this morning at my full contact kickboxing class.’ Then wait for the shock response and reply coolly, ‘It’s not the first time.’
- Don’t start fights but if you are in action, make sure you are the one who finishes it.
- Use every opportunity to show what a hard nut you are by helping others and playing the knight in shining armour, but look cool whilst doing it. Rarely smile.
These top tips can help you build a ‘tough’ persona and, when combined with your strict training regime, it will not be long before you develop what is known as a ‘Rambo personality’.
In most countries, it’s just not possible to live every day looking like an extra from a Mad Max movie. However, you should support your new persona with a kick-ass look. Here are five pointers on how to dress:
- Boots always work so wear them; black combat boots can give you that tough edge.
- Tear the sleeves off your shirt and wear jeans with rips and holes in them. Never button a shirt all the way up.
- Try a worn-out black leather jacket and combat or cargo pants combo – never wear a skirt (unless you’re a Scotsman) – particularly if you are male.
- Sport a mean and intimidating look on your face to go with the outfit. Practise this in the mirror to avoid looking as if you are unwell or constipated.
- Finally, get the hair right – generally styles which require a hairdryer will not help. If you are female, you must avoid looking like Tina Turner in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
Once the outbreak starts, it’s time to put all of your training and preparation into action. You can now change into your full zombie apocalypse outfit, including weapons and accessories. Armed with these and your new hard persona you will drastically increase your chances of surviving.
- Stylish headband.
- Steel toe caps.
- Decent walking boots.
- ‘Kick ass’ haircut.
- Cool shades.
- A perfected mean stance.
- Adorned in weapons.
- A light pack for supplies and any loot.
- Leather jacket with studs.
- Optional severed zombies ears for extra ‘hardness’ appeal.
- Must have the right name – not Kevin or Dave.
- Walking the delicate line between hard case and camp.
- Carrying a gun even if it’s empty.
- Good belt with useful accessory compartments.
- A mean stare which says ‘don’t mess with me’.
- Post-apoc dog companion optional.